My Heart is Breaking......

What do I do?

Two choices........ face the hurt head on........... or turn and run the opposite direction.

To let the pain envelope me seems so overwhelming and uncomfortable, remember I like to control my world.

To experience the pain....ewwhhhh no........I don't want to.

But this I know......... 

with every denial of allowing emotions to manifest I disconnect from the world.

I don't want to sit back and watch the world go by.

I want to be apart of it.

Okay I am going to breathe and allow my emotions to have their time and space.

How ever long it takes I will honor my pain and.....I will come out on the other side. 

Will someone please come check on me and make sure I am OK?

Out the Door.....

Today the task is to be present, be present enjoy this moment.

My youngest child goes out the door this morning as a SENIOR in High School.

I am taking a deep breath.......in slowly ...... out slower.

Taking in all of the sensations of NOW.......THIS moment.

Don't lose the now in fear.............failures of the past..............failure that could be tomorrow.

I look at her....I see her beautiful brown eyes with gorgeous long black lashes that need no makeup.

I see the way her hair moves on her way to the front door.

I see the hesitation.

Breathe in THIS moment............. it is ALL I have that is changeable.

I Smile......... because in this moment ALL is possible ........

I want her to BE in this present moment

so I breathe slowly, smile, our eyes connect and the energy flow I feel reassures me,

we are in this moment together.

The Aroma of Coffee

As I walk down the quiet hallway toward the kitchen I am bombarded by the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. It ignites my senses and wraps around me like a warm blanket. Little did my husband realize that the simple task of making the morning coffee would send me on a journey filled with bittersweet memories.

Closing my eyes and breathing deeply I see the old heavy ceramic white mug my Papaw drank his JFG coffee out of. Then in a flash the Mr. Coffee maker with the carafe so discolored by coffee oils and my father refusingto let us wash saying it took the coffee flavor away. My Aunt sending me to the Nurse's Station at 4 in the morning for coffee (huge shift...she was a tea drinker all of her life). My granddaughter asking for a "dink" out of my coffee cup.

In the matter of seconds a half a century flew by ....

Stillness of the Morning

The morning has come and it is quiet. I walk through my home and observe. My heart lurches as I see the empty beds unmade. I pick up the blankets and take a deep breath and smell the faint scent of sleeping babies. This calms my senses and I allow the sensation to envelope me like the blanket I am holding.

I look around the room and see a pair of sandals, laying just as if they were just kicked off of the little brown feet that ran through the house for months. I journey outside to the back deck and look out over the back yard. I see swing set and automatically hear the joyful  squeals with requests to "push me higher". A smile comes to my lips. As my eyes move across the yard there are strewn toys of the sandbox and playhouse, but now there are tears of sadness forming and my heart is aching.

I sit with my emotions and allow them to be. It won't be long and my day will begin and the activities of the day will push back and not allow quiet of the moment.